2, Two, Yes, 2 Days to Go!!!!

It's so hard to believe that I'll actually arrive at NEADS in two days, meet Tippy in three!!! It's hard to believe because I was told it could take as long as 12-18 months before the right match could be found....and, I had resigned myself to that fact. I think my mind is still thinking that it's only been 4-5 months and I've got a while to go. My heart, however, is confused as hell!

Yesterday I was at the Rhode Island State House in Providence. I was there for the INvisible Project, www.invisibleproject.org. and the US Pain Foundation, www.uspainfoundation.org. Paul Gileno, US Pain Foundation President; Bill, and his wife Sue; Ellen and her service dog Maggie, and Karin and Lucky, her service dog, were all there as well. So, to make a short story long.....I watched Karin and Ellen with their dogs. I watched and remembered what it's like to have that companionship, support, and unconditional love. It's only been a little over 4 months, but it seems like an eternity. The INvisible Project was set up outside the Senate and Assembly, and we were sitting alongside it. I watched the dogs watch their partners, and, I watched Ellen and Karin watch their partners. I wanted to be them.....is that selfish? I'm not sure, nor, am I sure I care. But, this is where the confusion comes in. I pictured myself with Tippy, a dog I've not even met yet. I also pictured Alli. Not with me, but with Elizabeth and Andy. Happy. Content. Exactly where she is meant to be, with the people she is meant to be with. Thinking about it makes me cry, but it's good. I think. I think it means that I really am ready to move on. I think it means that I won't feel guilty about that move.

So, I think....no, I know I'm ready to accept Tippy. When I was asked at NEADS the day of Alli's final test and diagnosis, if I would be ready to accept another dog if one was found sooner rather than later I wasn't exactly sure what that meant. Now I do. I had to be ready to see Alli where she is and know it was the right decision. I had to be ready to love another dog as much as I love Alli and not feel bad about it.

I'm there! I'm looking forward to Sunday and meeting my classmate. And even more, I am sooooo looking forward to Monday when I'll finally get to meet Tippy! The really cool thing is that this time I have all these additional friends who I've met through NEADS who are excited for me as well!!!! It's neat because they've all gone through this experience, or have been the ones to bring the teams together in one way or another, and truly know how exciting this is for someone to go through. It's kind of like starting in a classroom full of supporters and finding yourself in the auditorium with everyone cheering you on! It's the reason that since Alli and I graduated I've been to all the rest of the graduations except one. The emotions are contagious. It's like a natural "high"....that feeling that you can't do anything wrong. The feeling that you don't want to go away. It carries you through almost anything. And, it's always there.

That's the care, support, and warmth one finds at NEADS.

Peace,
Wendy

www.neads.org

4 DAYS UNTIL NEADS!!!!!!!

So, the picture to the left is all I'm going to say about the Giant's win......I'm a good loser, but I'm also a good winner.

Enough said. It is only 4 days until I head to NEADS. I move in on Sunday afternoon for 2 weeks. I'll have a "house" meeting that evening, and then training begins on Monday. If the routine is the same as before, and why shouldn't it be...it has proven to work, we will meet in the conference room Monday morning. I think we'll discuss the general info that we need for the week, as well as our partner's "supplies". We should get the training manual at that time. That is like the "bible" of training. It gives all the procedures, commands, and schedules needed for the 2 weeks. We are without the dogs during the first morning, but meet them after lunch and begin training with them.

I've gotten the necessary items I should have before leaving for NEADS. A new crate as the last one was barely big enough for Alli and Tippy is a bit larger, a bed for the crate, new bowls since the dark blue ones threw Alli for a loop for a while, his food which is By Nature Adult Formula and lastly....a seat belt for Tippy. I sent my old ones with Alli and I'm not sure they'd fit anyway. The dogs need to be tethered since they are taught not to be afraid of cars. In an accident, if the door is opened, the dog could jump out into traffic. I started with just a leash w/ Al, but soon learned that a harness type restraint was best for the dog. While I will try very hard not to compare Tippy to Alli, she did help me to find the best way to accomplish most activities, I certainly have learned from mistakes made early on and will use that to guide me this time. I don't think there's a danger of me comparing the 2 dogs specifically since Alli is a female and Tippy.....is not! But, I am human....so it will be trial and error for awhile. I actually called Alli "Simba" several times. He was our Samoyed Shepherd cross that we had for nearly 13 years, after rescuing him from the CT Humane Society when he was about 9-10 mos. We put Simba "down" shortly before his 14th birthday and while he was certainly not a service dog, he was the best companion! In any case, even this past season after having Alli for nearly 2 years I called her Simba at least once or twice!

I've already begun to sort out my clothes for the first week, and will probably just pack for the second as well. I've been watching the temperature for both our area, near the mouth of the CT River, and for NEADS in Princeton, MA. It seems to be a difference of about 5-10 degrees, with Princeton being the colder. That's okay, I actually prefer the colder weather. For the most part, it allows me to breathe better except if it gets too cold and dry out. The humidity in the warm summer weather makes it difficult to breathe due to my restrictive lung disease, and the very cold air in winter is difficult because of my asthma. In other words, damned if I do, and damned if I don't! Ah, such is life! I also enjoy the winter weather when it comes to clothing. I have never been one to be comfortable in "my own skin", so the layers worn in winter are just perfect for my self confidence and self esteem......go figure......even at 53 I think about that.

Tomorrow I am going to be at the Rhode Island State House. Being one of the original "subjects" for the "INvisible Project" I try to be present when it is being shown. For those who haven't read about it previously, it's a photo-journalistic display of ten "subjects" who live productive lives despite living with constant pain. To check it out, go to the website which I will post below...along with the NEADS website address. This is also how I got involved with the US Pain Foundation. I am an "advocate" for them, and have so enjoyed being involved once again in conferences. The president and co-founder, Paul Gileno, lives with RSDS and is truly an inspiration for those who are chronic pain survivors.

I am hoping to be able to connect to the internet at NEADS so I can post nightly, but that didn't work out very well last time.....fingers crossed!!

Wendy

www.neads.org
www.invisibleproject.org

Aren't Good Friends Wonderful?

Today I had such a wonderful time visiting with Ellen(and Maggie), and Karin(and Lucky). They are 2 of the 3 other individuals who trained with me at NEADS when I received Alli. We hit it off right away, and we continue to get together for friendship, support,......and always great food! We were talking about how people who don't have dogs(or other pets as well), don't get it. This was prompted by our conversation about Alli and giving her a new life. Of course, I cried, we all cried! Ellen spoke of the dog they had had, Bear, and needed to give up because he was a little too active and injured Ellen after one of her surgeries to help stabilize her leg. With Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, it doesn't take much to cause great harm to her body. Of course we cried with her on that note. Then we spoke about Lucky's illness not long after we came home with our partners. Karin didn't know if he'd pull through, and, couldn't move on until she knew his fate. Luckily(pardon the pun!) Lucky pulled through and is doing great....as is Karin.

We also spoke about others not "getting" our situations. That is, unless someone has a chronic illness, they can't possibly understand our true emotions. When we get together, we have support in one another and can freely discuss our "ailments" without worrying that each of us doesn't care....WE DO!!!! Today Karin was feeling the effects of an infection that the antibiotic just hadn't gotten to yet. Ellen is still recuperating from a surgery to stabilize her clavicle that she had 3 months ago and is preparing for yet another surgery in May to once again help with one of her legs. I have been wrestling with so many emotions. My pain is never below a 5 or 6 on a scale of 10, and is usually around 8-9. My balance has become a major issue and I am now using 2 "Canadian crutches" most of the time. Since Alli hasn't been around to alert me to an impending migraine, I'm back to several a month, I don't usually know to take my med until it's too late. I still have no sense of that "aura" my docs talk about. And, my tremors are increasing and it's becoming increasingly difficult to type without constantly back spacing to make corrections...otherwise every word would have multiple "double" letters. Now, if that's not enough I'm so excited about receiving Tippy in mid February and yet I've been struggling with feelings of guilt. The guilt is due to my excitement at the prospect of loving another dog while Alli is still "with us"....with Elizabeth and Andy. In one of Elizabeth's notes to me after I let her know I was getting a new "partner", she said she was so happy for me,........and that she told Alli the news. She said she wanted Alli to know that I'd be okay and that I would have a new companion to help with my needs. She said that she knew it was important for Alli to know this. It still makes me cry to think of that. That's just one of the many reasons I know that Alli is in the best home possible with wonderful people that love her like I do.

Because of that, I know I'll be able to love Tippy unconditionally.....but boy am I going to have one heck of a good cry when I meet him.......

I don't think I'll put any more pictures up until I have my own new ones of Tippy. But I will, from time to time(like tonight) post a recent picture of Alli enjoying the
"good life".......

Have a good evening, everyone,
Wendy

I'VE BEEN MATCHED!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it!!! I've been matched with a new service dog! His name is Tippy! My daughter, Emily just made a bet with me the other day that I would get "the call" within the next 6 months. I said I thought it would be at least 8-10 months. Once again she was right.....and this time I'm glad! I think the fact that I wasn't expecting any news any time soon made it that more exciting!

I don't like anyone else answering my cell phone, but a couple of weeks ago I told them that if it was a (978) area code they had to answer it because it was probably NEADS. Soooo, after a doc's appointment on Monday Emily and I went to a movie at 3:25 in the afternoon. My cell was on vibrate, but about 15 minutes into the movie I could hear my phone vibrate and see the lit screen through my down vest pocket. I did the logical thing, I turned it off. Big mistake! I forgot about it and when I got home I had an e-mail from Brian Jennings, a trainer at NEADS! Yikes! The e-mail said that Brian would like to "match" me with a black Lab named Tippy! I looked at my phone and......sure enough......the call I didn't answer was from Brian!

Any way, Tippy is 78lbs, 26" at the shoulder, and will be 15 1/2 months when I receive him. That's the next great bit. I will go for my training on February 12th, and finish on the 24th. It actually seems that it is fate. Alli's 4th birthday is February 22nd. I guess it's true that "when one door closes, another one opens"...........

Another ironic point has to do with the NEADS' blog. Every weekday at 11:00 am they post a "Cute Puppy" picture. I check them out every day. On October 3rd, there was the most adorable little puppy you could imagine. I showed my friend Cindy and we chuckled at the name, "Tippy". We laughed imagining if I received Tippy that it would be like an oxymoron, I need a balance/walker since my balance continues to worsen as my muscles weaken. How funny it would be to have "Tippy" as a "balance" dog........gotta love it!!!!! Now, I feel it is very apropos and kind of cute. I won't see Tippy or meet him 'til probably the afternoon of the 13th during training, but I figure that since his puppy pic was on the blog it would be okay to post it.

I started this blog under the name of "My Partner Alli" when I found out I had been matched with my first service dog. I plan on doing the same thing now that I know I've been matched. I also hope to be able to post each evening during my training. I had planned to do that while I was training with Alli, but my laptop didn't cooperate and I couldn't pick up the wireless connection.

So, it is "with a song in my heart" and a lump in my throat that I move on now from my amazing time with Alli to life with Tippy. Elizabeth, Alli's new owner, sent me a message saying that they (Elizabeth and her husband Andy) were so happy for me. Then I had a good cry when I started to read the second paragraph, "I had to tell Alli too. I didn't want her to be sad, but I knew she would be relieved knowing you had another partner ready to work and take care of you." I'm not sure why, but I think I needed to hear that. After all, if it hadn't been for Alli, I don't know if I would have lived my life as I have these last 2 years. I've taken chances, gotten involved in things I might have shied away from and enjoyed every minute of it. My depression is manageable, I have very little anxiety, and I've learned to love just being me. Alli taught me that with the right kind of support, human or canine, the possibilities truly are endless. I learned not to fear new situations and not to be afraid of falling because she was with me, every minute of every day.......

Because of her, I'm able to be beside myself with excitement and anticipation at the prospect of a new "partner".

Because of her, I can move forward.

Because of her, I can enter the next phase of my life.

Life With Tippy

Peace,
Wendy

Where Would I Be Without NEADS?????

So, I went up to Princeton, MA, yesterday to the NEADS campus. Even when I had Alli, I would make several trips up a year to bring some baked goods. I realized that I hadn't delivered any since the Spring. As it turns out, Amy Reay was training with her new partner "Delancy". I felt privileged to meet Delancy before the "general population" and was able to see right away that they make a great team. I really don't know how the trainers make the perfect match between client and dog time, after time!

I knew I'd have a wonderful trip, and I wasn't disappointed in the least. As soon as I walked in I felt like it was "Old Home Week". Warm hugs, kind words and just a general feeling of comfort and contentment. Receiving that welcome each time, along with the knowledge that yet another perfect match will be made with me and my next partner makes the wait so much more bearable. Well, that, and.......

THE PUPPY HOUSE!!!!! For all the time that I've been a NEADS client, I have never gone into the puppy house! My good friend Cindy made the trip with me, and we agreed that this was the perfect end to our day.......and it made the 2 hour drive home seem like half that! There were 4 puppies there when we arrived. They were sound asleep on the rug in different areas of the room. I can only remember the names of 2 of them, Chief and Sherlock. Chief was the largest. He's a beautiful yellow Lab. Sherlock was an adorable black Lab. I fell for Sherlock immediately. Since I was a child, I have absolutely loved Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's "Sherlock Holmes". I especially like Basil Rathbone as Holmes, and Nigel Bruce as Watson. I personally don't think anyone has done better than these two, either before or after......(though I like Robert Downey, Jr's take on the roll) I was shown a photo of Alli as a puppy, and it made my heart skip a few beats when I saw that Cyndi(one of the puppy trainers, as well as one who chooses the pups from the litters) was teary eyed as we spoke of Alli. I often tell people that it must help, when you lose someone close, to know that they meant so much to so many people and brought happiness to their lives. Alli may not be "gone", but she has had to retire as she is losing her sight. No matter who I've spoken to, they alway smile when reminiscing about Alli's past "antics" and "escapades"! I am so glad that she brought happiness to so many beside myself and that they, too, have fond memories of her. She continues, in her new life, to enjoy life just as she always has and has not lost a bit of her amazing personality.......

I thought that the holiday season might be rough without Alli, and to be fair I've had a few tears. The good news is that Elizabeth and Andy sent me a picture of Alli with her teddy bear. Seeing that picture just gave me a sense of calm and that everything will be okay. I will try to post that pic along with one I took of Alli when we went to "practice" in my church's fellowship hall. Twice she made the bear something of a bargaining tool! Once at home when we were headed out, and again that day at church. Alli picked up the bear and wouldn't put it down when I told her to "drop-it". At home I finally let her keep it until we got into the car, and I had to let her carry it around for the first half of our practice time at church. She really didn't seem too attached to it most of the time, just putting it on her bed.....or mine.....and sleeping with her chin on it from time to time. But, when I took the pictures, both times she looked like a stubborn child not wanting to give in.....her pouty look could occasionally win me over...... In any case, when I came across the bear and realized it hadn't gone with the rest of her "things" I couldn't just dispose of it. I hemmed and hawed and finally decided to send it on to her, along with the picture from church......and I am so glad I did. It puts the cherry on the top....that is I know she is truly happy. I really knew it all along, but the picture is truly worth a thousand words........




Yup, that's my girl!!!! She is so lucky to have had Elizabeth as her Weekend Puppy Raiser. Because of that she had the best people fall in love with her.....and in the end, give her a new forever home.

I guess it's true that when one door closes, another one opens. I had to give Alli up in order for her to begin the next chapter in her life, and Amy Reay received Delancy who will help Amy begin her next chapter.......kind of funny how that works.......??

Miracles do happen,
Peace,
Wendy

"Moving On, and on, and on........

Here is Alli....just where she is meant to be......with Elizabeth and Andy. I used to say that service dogs are Labs - 25% of the time, and Service Dogs - 75%......and Alli always had that reversed!!!! That was okay with me, as that's pretty much my % of seriousness as well. Don't get me wrong, she is an AMAZING service dog,......just a better Lab!! Had she not begun to lose her vision, she would have continued on as a much loved and much appreciated service dog and companion. But....all things considered, she is doing what she was meant to do.....be a devoted Lab for a family who loves her just as much as I do...... I always say things happen for a reason, and there is a reason for her blindness, and her return to Elizabeth and Andy.......

Having said that, aside from the occasional update on Alli's progress in life, I am now going to change the name of the blog one more time to "Looking Forward". I don't want to dwell on what was or could have been. I also need to be able to look to the future to a time when another service dog will be matched with me and together we will begin a new chapter in our lives.

On that subject, I need to remark on the NEADS Graduation this past Sunday, the 13th. Whether a client or not, I cannot think of anything I would rather do on a Sunday afternoon than watch more than 20 individuals with their service dogs get recognized for becoming partners, or better yet, a team. Their lives are enhanced almost immediately upon meeting each other. I say this, because the dogs lives, too, are enhanced for arriving at their new forever home where their unconditional love is appreciated and multiplied unto them. Watching them, I know if it hasn't happened already, the team will soon become "one". Anticipating each other's needs and being there for one another at all times......good and bad...... I also love watching the pups-in-training as they meander through the throngs of human and canine bodies, ever vigilant for what their Weedend Puppy Raiser (WPR)asks of them. The proud faces of the WPR are priceless. They welcome the opportunity to tell the pup's name and "just how amazing he/she is" at everything they do! This is just one of the elements that makes the WPR aspect of the dogs' training successful. I sooooo love looking at all the dogs with the blue vests(training colors) and wondering......could that pup someday grow up to "partner" with me?

I have been asked so many times if I have heard anything about my new dog......to this I answer, "No, and I don't expect to for at least 12 to 18 months." The answer is often "Really?" and I am quick to reply, "NEADS did such a great job matching me with Alli that I am more than ready to be patient and let them do what they do best.....put great teams together......being careful to match personalities and the clients' needs." Enough said! Perfection is always worth waiting for!

Also at graduation, were several "Wounded Warriors". While they all received service dogs, a few have dogs who are also trained as "Trauma Alert" dogs. What a WONDERFUL program! These Trauma Alert dogs are matched with individuals with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, (PTSD). The dogs are trained to recognize when an "episode" is imminent and the client is trained to work with the dog to recognize, and hopefully ease the severity of the episode, by comforting one another through it. It's amazing what our canine companions can do for us, all the while offering their unconditional love. This in itself is priceless for the deaf, disabled, socially withdrawn or returning combat veteran with a disability whether physical or emotional.

Until next time,
Wendy

It's Not Always Easy to Look Forward.........

My daughter called me shortly after the snow began last Saturday, October 29, 2011. She said she was blaming it all on me! When I asked why, she said that I always wish for snow so it was my fault that we got it so early. I assured her that while I LOVE SNOW, there was no way in hell I would wish for it this early in the season!!!!!

I took some time and thought about it......... I tried to think ahead to the winter and the snow we will receive at an appropriate time. The last two winters, I had Alli as my partner in crime. I am minus that partner and am not looking forward to the snowy weather for maybe the first time in my life! Having spent the first 9 years of my life in up state New York, I have always loved the look, the quiet hush and the feel of the snow. But this year's different. This year just doesn't feel like it has. I think it's because the last several years before Alli I hadn't been going out and enjoying the winter in all it's beauty. But Alli got me out, rolling in the snow, laughing and taking pictures of that amazing girl running in the heavenly white stuff.

We were very lucky during this storm. Our lights blinked quite a few times, sometimes lasting 30 seconds to nearly a minute. Apparently the rest of the neighborhood down the road from us were without power until sometime Wednesday or Thursday. We live at the top/end of a series of hills rising up from Main Street in Ivoryton. Our power, however, comes up the dirt road on our property from the opposite direction. The lines are also underground. We usually don't lose power unless a "substation" is out. I am very much afraid of the dark. Always have been, and probably always will be. Alli gave me strength and courage to get through anything! I'm finding out that even though Alli is no longer with me that strength and courage continues.

I'm trying to move forward, though it's not that easy. I don't imagine anyone thought it would be. US Pain Foundation has asked me to be a "point person" for New England. This is exactly what I need. While it will be easier once I get my new dog, I will be able to start my "duties" right away. It will entail attending summits, conferences, workshops and meetings covering a wide range of topics and how they relate to chronic pain survivors. Insurance concerns are a major aspect as insurance companies become more aware of the pain community and it's strength through sheer numbers. Two weeks ago I testified before a committee in Massachusetts concerning their S 422. This is extremely similar to HB 1083 which we worked on this past spring and Gov. Malloy signed into law in August. They are bills that will prevent patients from failing on insurance approved medications for pain before approving the prescription the patient's doctor originally wrote. This causes a delay in appropriate pain management, and takes the medical decision out of the patient's doctors' hands. I also have a summit coming up this week and a workshop the following week. I enjoy being actively involved in areas that I am interested in. I look forward to this new challenge. I know when I get my new dog it will be easier for me to head out daily without the fear of falling and needing others to help me.

This last week has been difficult health wise. While I've been having headaches regularly since Alli left, this last week has been particularly tough. I've had 2 relatively severe migraines that left me weak, tired, nauseous, and not able to see much. I am hoping that my next dog will become as "in tune" with me as Alli was. I hope that he/she will come to know when I'm going to have a migraine. I realize that there's no guarantee that that will happen but I really hope it does. That has been one of the most amazing things for me. I had very few migraines since Alli was able to let me know so I could head it off before it struck.

If you don't already do it, I would strongly suggest that you go to the NEADS site, neads.org and check it out. And.....if you click on the blog, you can see the "Cute Puppy" pictures that are posted Monday through Friday. It's kind of neat to wonder if any of these pups might grow into my service dog.........just a thought! The site also has information on the Prison Pup Program, a calendar of events and an application for anyone who feels the need for a service or hearing dog.

While at BJ's last weekend, I met Angus. Angus is a 6 month old black lab who is in training for Guiding Eyes. I had a brief conversation with the "retired" couple who had him and we talked a little about the eyes of a lab and how they just cause you to melt........ Angus was adorable, but I did quite well....so my daughter told me! I only shed a few tears when as we were loading the car I saw Angus and his "folks" leaving. I have such wonderful memories of Alli and all she did for me....both physically and emotionally. But, I also have wonderful memories of Alli with her new family from meeting Elizabeth at a "meet and greet" during my training to the day Alli went to live with them. Though I was parting from her, her excitement at seeing Elizabeth and Andy is actually a happy memory for me. And the pictures and brief video I've seen of Alli since shows me that she continues to be the happiest most personable dog there is. And, I say this while I continue to chuckle at her antics!

I now feel I can move forward....with the occasional look back..........

Peace,
Wendy