It's Not Always Easy to Look Forward.........

My daughter called me shortly after the snow began last Saturday, October 29, 2011. She said she was blaming it all on me! When I asked why, she said that I always wish for snow so it was my fault that we got it so early. I assured her that while I LOVE SNOW, there was no way in hell I would wish for it this early in the season!!!!!

I took some time and thought about it......... I tried to think ahead to the winter and the snow we will receive at an appropriate time. The last two winters, I had Alli as my partner in crime. I am minus that partner and am not looking forward to the snowy weather for maybe the first time in my life! Having spent the first 9 years of my life in up state New York, I have always loved the look, the quiet hush and the feel of the snow. But this year's different. This year just doesn't feel like it has. I think it's because the last several years before Alli I hadn't been going out and enjoying the winter in all it's beauty. But Alli got me out, rolling in the snow, laughing and taking pictures of that amazing girl running in the heavenly white stuff.

We were very lucky during this storm. Our lights blinked quite a few times, sometimes lasting 30 seconds to nearly a minute. Apparently the rest of the neighborhood down the road from us were without power until sometime Wednesday or Thursday. We live at the top/end of a series of hills rising up from Main Street in Ivoryton. Our power, however, comes up the dirt road on our property from the opposite direction. The lines are also underground. We usually don't lose power unless a "substation" is out. I am very much afraid of the dark. Always have been, and probably always will be. Alli gave me strength and courage to get through anything! I'm finding out that even though Alli is no longer with me that strength and courage continues.

I'm trying to move forward, though it's not that easy. I don't imagine anyone thought it would be. US Pain Foundation has asked me to be a "point person" for New England. This is exactly what I need. While it will be easier once I get my new dog, I will be able to start my "duties" right away. It will entail attending summits, conferences, workshops and meetings covering a wide range of topics and how they relate to chronic pain survivors. Insurance concerns are a major aspect as insurance companies become more aware of the pain community and it's strength through sheer numbers. Two weeks ago I testified before a committee in Massachusetts concerning their S 422. This is extremely similar to HB 1083 which we worked on this past spring and Gov. Malloy signed into law in August. They are bills that will prevent patients from failing on insurance approved medications for pain before approving the prescription the patient's doctor originally wrote. This causes a delay in appropriate pain management, and takes the medical decision out of the patient's doctors' hands. I also have a summit coming up this week and a workshop the following week. I enjoy being actively involved in areas that I am interested in. I look forward to this new challenge. I know when I get my new dog it will be easier for me to head out daily without the fear of falling and needing others to help me.

This last week has been difficult health wise. While I've been having headaches regularly since Alli left, this last week has been particularly tough. I've had 2 relatively severe migraines that left me weak, tired, nauseous, and not able to see much. I am hoping that my next dog will become as "in tune" with me as Alli was. I hope that he/she will come to know when I'm going to have a migraine. I realize that there's no guarantee that that will happen but I really hope it does. That has been one of the most amazing things for me. I had very few migraines since Alli was able to let me know so I could head it off before it struck.

If you don't already do it, I would strongly suggest that you go to the NEADS site, neads.org and check it out. And.....if you click on the blog, you can see the "Cute Puppy" pictures that are posted Monday through Friday. It's kind of neat to wonder if any of these pups might grow into my service dog.........just a thought! The site also has information on the Prison Pup Program, a calendar of events and an application for anyone who feels the need for a service or hearing dog.

While at BJ's last weekend, I met Angus. Angus is a 6 month old black lab who is in training for Guiding Eyes. I had a brief conversation with the "retired" couple who had him and we talked a little about the eyes of a lab and how they just cause you to melt........ Angus was adorable, but I did quite well....so my daughter told me! I only shed a few tears when as we were loading the car I saw Angus and his "folks" leaving. I have such wonderful memories of Alli and all she did for me....both physically and emotionally. But, I also have wonderful memories of Alli with her new family from meeting Elizabeth at a "meet and greet" during my training to the day Alli went to live with them. Though I was parting from her, her excitement at seeing Elizabeth and Andy is actually a happy memory for me. And the pictures and brief video I've seen of Alli since shows me that she continues to be the happiest most personable dog there is. And, I say this while I continue to chuckle at her antics!

I now feel I can move forward....with the occasional look back..........

Peace,
Wendy