The "In Between Place"........

Okay, so I've started this post 3 different times and just can't come up with the words that do justice for Alli. Who would ever think that a dog could leave such a void for words? Anyone who has ever had a service dog for a partner knows!!! A very special person put a post on "Facebook" about a service dog being "just a dog" to some people. I'd like to thank Alexis for posting it and copy it below. It helps me speak from my heart about Alli. She may be a "goof", but she was also a great and talented service dog!

I have found that while it has been a week, I am still "doing fine" as far as losing Alli. Let me rephrase that.......I didn't lose her, I offered her the opportunity to have a wonderful life despite the fact that within the year she will in all probably be completely blind. I won't belabor the point about how Alli deserved the best and was fortunate to get it. But, while I am doing fine, it is with sporadic periods of sadness intermingled with new experiences. It is those new experiences that actually bring on the weeping. It's kind of different to face each new day ready to meet it head on and suddenly realize that when you look down to discuss it with your "partner", she's not there. You have to either keep it to yourself, or speak out loud to no one!
It's also been difficult as I continue to struggle with my health. I am not someone who can stay down and I'm having to lay on my bed without talking or moving to avoid the chronic cough. I am still using the nebulizer a minimum of 4 times/day, was put back up on some prednesone and am taking my codeine 3 times every day. If I so much as mess with any of this protocol I spend a good deal of time coughing. I have a feeling I've fractured a couple of ribs, knowing that I did last year, and feeling almost the same but actually with more pain. The last 22 months I have had Alli to "whine" to. I almost never complain to any human company, and Alli was always a safe bet since she couldn't tell others how I feel. I find myself crying a bit more during my coughing "jags" as it's my only outlet and while I'm crying I tell Mark, "I can't do too much more of this!" I hate letting others know I'm hurting!!!!! Alli would also automatically stretch out and lay alongside me whenever I got down......of course I'd get a big "kiss" first!!! And then, there's the loneliness factor. I really feel alone with Al gone, I worry when I start to trip, when I get a headache out of the blue and I think....."Alli probably would have told me it was coming", I worry that it could be another migraine/mild stroke. I've already lost a small bit of change since I won't even try to bend to pick it up in public and I don't have my partner to "go for it"!

I had originally thought that it would be best if another dog wasn't found for me right away. Now, knowing that Alli is all squared away, I can think of myself and I'm feeling that the sooner the better. Not to replace Al by any means, but I now know what a service dog can do for me both physically as well as emotionally. I really think that I could accept another dog at any point now. It's kind of neat. While I find myself in the familiar position of waiting for "that call", I also feel that I'm in a very unique position. I know the NEADS family now, I totally understand the process, and I have the benefit of looking at the pups in training and sizing them up knowing what my needs are and the needs/requirements of my dog. Ever since I got Alli, I have continued to go to the NEADS website daily to check out anything new, and to follow the clients on the list. I now also go to the NEADS Blog daily to see the daily "Cute Puppy" pictures. It's neat to see them as small puppies and wonder if any of them could be the one to be my new dog in 12-13 months. I also enjoy looking at the pics on the blogs from the various fundraisers and NEADS events. I enjoy going to these events, and meeting the dogs in training that are brought by their "Weekend Puppy Raiser" (This is what Elizabeth was to Alli, a wonderful position but tough to give up the pup I would imagine) to socialize and experience new situations.

In any case, I now find myself in a period of transition. Below is the quote I mentioned above:

"From time to time, people tell me, “lighten up, it’s just a dog”, or, “that’s a lot of money for just a dog”. They don’t understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for “just a dog”. Some of my proudest moments have come about with “just a dog”. Many hours have passed and my only company was “just a dog”, but I did not once feel slighted. Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by “just a dog” and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of “just a dog” gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day. If you, too, think it’s “just a dog”, then you will probably understand phases like “just a friend”, “just a sunrise”, or “just a promise”. “Just a dog” brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy. “Just a dog” brings out the compassion and patience that makes me a better person. Because of “just a dog” I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future. So for me and folks like me, it’s not “just a dog” but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment. “Just a dog” brings out what’s good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day. I hope that someday they can understand that it’s not “just a dog” but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being “just a human.” So the next time you hear the phrase “just a dog”, just smile, because they “just don’t understand”.~ Sue Downes"

So, while I am in transition, I find that I'm actually in the "In Between Place". For better or worse, that's where I am......I will make it a better place......

A place of Hope and Promise.......

Peace,

Wendy