There Never Seems to Be Enough Time............

As the 24th of September approaches, I find myself having to make an effort to prepare both Alli and myself for our impending separation. Elizabeth has asked me if I would put together a routine/schedule for Alli to help make the transition a little less stressful for Alli. I'm finding that it will probably help to ease my stress as well as it gives me something to focus on. She mentioned that she imagines that Alli is relatively easy going, and she is.....except where meals are concerned! Not only does she love to eat, but she really needs to have her breakfast as close to 7:00am as possible. If not, the excess of stomach acid in her stomach tends to make her vomit. Of course, once she's fed her stomach is just fine!! And, if that's not enough, she needs to have an overturned bowl w/in her food bowl to help slow her down. It almost seems like I'm leaving a note for a sitter for the children......"this happens at this time, that happens at that time", etc. But, for the most part Alli just goes with the flow....... I have also begun to make a list of what needs to go with her. When I found out that I was getting a female black lab named "Alli", I picked up a canvas bag at the Christmas Tree Shop with an "A" monogrammed on it. I have always called it the "Alli" bag. I keep it in the car just in case we end up away from home at meal times or when we go away to stay for a few days. I guess I could call it her "Ready Bag" like they have on Criminal Minds when they have to be ready to travel at a moments' notice. In it, I keep her blanket, at least one mat, a zip bag with a puppy face on it with her treats, toothbrush and toothpaste and rawhide squares. I also keep her "bow wow bag" in it with at least 4 meals portioned out to cover us if we get caught away from home. I'm definitely sending the Alli bag with the blankets, but I'm not sure I'm sending the other bags as I don't know that they're necessary now that she won't be a working service dog after the 24th. Also, they are the perfect bags so I'm sure I'll use them again with my next partner......GOD, that seems so weird to say. I can't decide if it feels wrong to say it......which my brain tells me it shouldn't......or if it's just another way for me to ease into the idea that while Alli will no longer be my service dog, I do still need the assistance and a dog will be found for me at some point. I am also making sure that all of the toys that she regularly uses will go with her in their basket. I do make her pick up her toys when she's done playing by telling her , "time to pick up toys", and having her bring them over to the toy basket where I tell her to "drop-it". Hopefully, when I say it her mouth is over the basket, but sometimes she looks at me just before she drops it and then misses the basket all together. I usually "give her credit" for at least getting close, but she looks at me as if to say, "Is this close enough?" Alli also has 2 seat belts, a pillow for the car.....okay, so she's a bit spoiled..... doesn't she deserve it? I will also be sending her favorite beach and water toys, and certain toys which she likes to play "get-it" with, and still others which she uses for practicing "fetch". I plan on having a small collection of her favorite treats, especially the "Buddy Biscuits" that I use regularly when practicing Alli's recall. I also use them when she's outside either going to the bathroom or just hanging on the grass for a while. She tends to come on the first command with these and her recall has improved at least 1000%!!!!

It seems that Alli's vision may be progressing a bit quicker than anticipated. She really seems to be a bit more reactive during the daylight hours. She barks even when I'm not sure that there's anything to be barking at. I realize that dogs hear sounds which we cannot, however, after she barks she usually comes running over to stand by me. She also tends to growl a bit more. It's a totally harmless growl, I can usually tell her to "go check it out", and when she does, she seems more calm. This doesn't always work, and it really is very difficult to watch my "pushy broad" act more like a femme fa-tale. For this reason alone, I realize that getting her to her new "forever home" as soon as possible is the prudent thing to do. When you add the need for her to become comfortable in her new surroundings, become used to listening and following commands from someone new(kind of), and begin to adjust to her waning vision, I don't think we could even consider a later date, and am sooooo glad we didn't.

This Thursday, September 8th, I am one of the scheduled speakers at the RI Pain Awareness Day.......a brief word or two....and I am thankful that Alli will be by my side. While I know we will part in just a few short weeks, we need to keep up with our scheduled events. I think that's one of the things I''m going to struggle with once Alli has left. Over the years, I really have not had the self-confidence or, probably not even the self-esteem to speak in front of a group. I've always felt that what I have to say is important.....at least to me.....but not such that it would be important to others. Having received Alli, meeting my wonderful friends from NEADS as well as the awesome threesome from my class at NEADS, getting involved with the INvisible Project and through that, the US Pain Foundation and Paul Gileno and Nicole Hemmenway, has given me the courage to speak up and out. I even helped to pass HB 1083 in Connecticut by speaking with Senators and Representatives that expressed an interest. The law, the first of it's kind in the country bans insurance companies from practicing "Step Therapy" (aka "Fail First). Step Therapy is the practice by insurance companies of requiring a patient to "fail first" on one or more sometimes less effective pain medication before approving/filling the prescription which the patients' own doctor initially wrote for. I am quite certain that had it not been for Alli by my side I never could, nor would have ventured into that realm. I am concerned that when Alli is gone I won't be able to find my voice. I know I'll still have the same opinions, the same desire to make a difference, even the same idea of what is right and appropriate yet I'm not sure that my heart will give me the nudge I'll need. It's always easy to work it out in your head and list the reasons why you should go forward. However, I really hope that I'll have the heart to "do the right thing". While my health continues to decline, my pain level increases and I"" had yet another "stint" in the ICU over the course of Irene, I have to admit that my life has been pretty amazing since receiving the gift of Alli. One can choose to sit and whine and complain and play the "why me?" game.....or.....you can put a smile on your face say "it is what it is" and forge ahead. Yup, my head can reason anything.....let's put a "giddy-up" on my heart and hang in there. I really enjoy going to fund-raisers, speaking engagements, and visiting children in schools and the occasional library. Alli thrives on all of that and sooo much more. I think to tie this all in with what I'll speak about on Thursday....it's all about support. Both literally, figuratively and perceived. When you feel the support around you, most things seem bearable, even making the seemingly impossible not only possible but attainable.

Well I've tried to "upload" a couple different videos.....one of Alli in the water on Prudence Islalnd, and the other of her having fun going through some agility equipment at our dog park. Unfortunately, for some reason neither is making the grade....... I started this yesterday and just need to post it without the vids.

We've got just 18 days before the big move for Alli. Trying to make the most of every day and letting her know how much I love her and how special she is...........love, love, love, love.......her

"Til next time.......
Wendy and "Alli-Girl"