The Results Are In

Well, I've been putting this off since Monday, the 1st. In my last post I mentioned that Alli(pictured above w/ my good friend Bob Marshall doing what she loves!) had seen an ophthalmologist at Tufts for her annual "free" service dog eye exam. I selected Tufts because her "droopy" eyes have always run. I expected to be told that I needed to use drops or a cream to help. They have never seemed to bother her, I just thought it was worth finding out. In any case, instead I was told that the doc suspected PRA(progressive retinal atrophy), a genetic disorder that causes blindness in dogs within 2 1/2 - 3 years of diagnosis. We sent a blood sample to Opti-Gen., the testing facility and had a short lived sigh of relief when the result was negative. There is no "gray area", she didn't/doesn't have PRA. However, when checking with the lab, the specialist was told that a very small percentage of dogs who test negative for PRA have a similar disorder which mimics the symptoms as well as ending in blindness. The first symptom is night blindness, and gradually over time all vision is lost. There is no specific blood test or name for this other disorder as the gene has yet to be isolated and so can't be tested. After learning of this the ophthalmologist had us make an appointment to have an additional test done.

On Monday, August 1st, Alli had an "electroretinogram". In this test, contact like electrodes are placed on the eye itself. First measurements are taken in normal lighting. Then, the pupils are dilated and checked in a dark room. In the darkness, a series of light "flashes" are held in front of the eyes(kind of like strobes) and measurements are taken to see how the retina reacts to the flash. Following this initial darkroom test, there is a 5 minute interval before retesting in the same darkened conditions w/out the lights being turned on in between. If you think about it, when you are initially in a dark room, after a few minutes your eyes begin to become accustomed to the darkness and you start to be able to see shapes, and eventually make out objects in the room. That is the purpose of the 2nd and sometimes 3rd set of darkroom tests. The measurements should show an improvement after 5, then 10(if necessary)minutes. Alli had no change in her "waves" and measured little to no change in her reaction. This showed that she in unable to see in the dark, night blindness, at this point. Her "waves" in the lit room show a marked decrease in reaction and dilation showing that she is in the process of losing her vision completely. The doctor said that she would be completely blind in 1 1/2 - 2 yrs, but due to the current results it could be less than 1 year.

As I said earlier, I have been grieving since May 11th when I got the initial possible diagnosis. I have had lots of time to weigh the options before us. My very first gut reaction was that Alli should be allowed to "live out her days" with a family with plenty of land, experience caring for handicapped animals, and a lot of love to give my best friend. Then, after listening to others say that since Alli is such a great service dog and LOVES working, I selfishly thought that maybe with some work Alli would be able to continue doing what she enjoys doing. Ultimately, I realized that what is important is that Alli is placed with a family as mentioned above while she is still able to see, become accustomed to the "lay-of-the-land" and see and know who is loving her in her new "forever home".

Following our appointment at Tufts on Monday, one of my classmates from NEADS drove me the hour to Princeton to meet with staff there. As I have said before, the NEADS family is so very important once you are entrusted with your new partner. They take you in as a member of their family from the moment you're accepted to receive a dog. From that point on they are always available, whether by phone, e-mail or in person, to answer questions, help with new behaviors, help you keep your dog in check(.....not often necessary......unless you have a character like Alli!!!!!) or just to welcome you when you touch base. We discussed Alli's future, and it was decided that they would begin the process of finding a new home for her. In the meantime I will go back on the "list" for a new dog. Kathy, from NEADS, asked if a home was found for Alli sooner rather than later would I be able to let her go. I explained that I would almost rather that were the case since that would take the decision out of my hands and I wouldn't risk trying to hang on to her too long. She also asked if when another dog was found would I be ready to accept it. This, too, would be okay since I've been preparing myself since May for the inevitable separation from Alli. Knowing that the blindness is in terms of "when", and not "if" allows me to move on as I know that Alli will be placed with someone who can care for her better than I will be able to once she is blind.

Is this going to be easy? NO WAY!!!!!! But I know in the end it will all work out for the best, and that I will get through this as will Alli. Somehow the adage "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" seems appropriate at this point. For surely, both Alli and I will need all our strength and then some to see through to the other side. Will the next dog be like Alli? I sure hope not! Obviously, I'm sure the dog will be an amazing service dog as all NEADS dogs are, but I honestly can't believe there's another dog w/ Alli's personality.......nor do I think there should be. Being aware that Alli was a "one-of-a-kind" is what will allow me to accept a new partner. Because, we will be partners. Just like Alli and I were. And, I'm sure that this next dog will be like the next chapter in my life, or actually a major part of the next chapter. At the risk of sounding corny, I hope my life story has many chapters, and if I look at it that way, I can look forward to what's to be written on the next page rather than try to write the past over and over. Alli, too, is merely turning the page to the next chapter. And, if I'm not mistaken, if hers was a "picture book" the pages would be filled with bright colors, warm smiles, and confetti everywhere. At least that's what my mind sees when I think of her.

A little crazy, I know, but it's my kind of crazy!

I will continue to post as our adventure unfolds.......

Thanks for your continued support.......